(Everyone writer worth a hoot needs a manly picture of themselves in underwear with a rifle.)
I guess I should brag about myself here.
I’m ruggedly handsome and slightly egotistical with a bizarre sense of humor. Everything is a joke. If I’m not smiling like an idiot people think I’m mean and intimidating looking. That’s beneficial in navigating the depths of hell called Walmart. People tend to get out of your way quicker.
I have a degree in Criminal Justice. I spent most of college making poor life decisions. Towards the end I got into competition shooting and that’s still my sport of choice. After graduation I planned on moving to Wyoming to be a Peace Officer.
Then I could kill all the good animals and bad people I want to eat.
(Oh geez, I can’t edit that line, it made me laugh when I wrote it.)
Except there aren’t many bad people in Wyoming, because everyone is armed.
Instead I ended up enlisting and spent six years in the glorious Marine Corps Infantry trying to go kill naughty folks who like to torture women and children and blow up innocents. And because I believe we should kill them until their entire twisted ideology drowns in their own blood. Semper Fi.
I got married along the way, to a woman I totally don’t deserve. She’s hot too.
My future plans are to have a small Bison ranch. Because, what could be more awesome than that? And I want to ride one.
Or maybe a ranch with Scottish Highland cattle. That’s what the wife wants so we will probably compromise and get Scottish Highland Cattle…
So why a blog?
Because my wife and I don’t argue. Ever. Except over the political things I put on Facebook, because she’s a peacemaker sort. I think I deleted 50% of what I would put up. She kept telling me I needed to start a blog instead, and I kept thinking I did too.
Then I started using Kindle Unlimited. $10 a month for all the books you could read. And I discovered that the majority of books out there are utter garbage. I would read 5 to 10 pages in and give up. Just…. horrific. And these people are getting paid for this drivel.
So, along with the blog, my wife has been telling me for years that I should write a book.
I finally realized, I know what I like to read, I know what makes a story good, and SURELY I’m better than most of these goons who are getting published.
So, I started writing. Over my 4th of July weekend I pounded out an outline and 15,000 words. Then I discovered, hey this is fun, I can do whatever I want in MY book!
After I started writing I realized I needed a distraction. At 2am when I’m staring at the screen wondering how I should kill off this good guy in a tear jerking way and drawing blanks, I can pull up the blog and ‘verbally throw up’ on it. Toss whatever thoughts and feelings I have.
Then get back to work.
Cause I plan on retiring in a castle made of gold bricks, surrounded by bison, with my own personal shooting range.
And… since you bothered to read all that…
Here’s your reward. A video of me being tasered. My high pitched girly screams carried across the vast plains of the Ukraine and all the way to Russia. Putin was so disturbed he pulled the covers over his head and clutched his KGB teddy bear tighter.