Gunpowder and Ink!

Terminator: Dark Fate is the suck.

Saw it, bleh…

James Cameron has failed us greatly.

Personally, I enjoyed Terminator: Genesys when it came out. That’s the only one I thought worth watching since the nearly perfect T2: Judgement Day. I thought it was fantastic and that Emilia Clarke made a terrific Sarah Connor. But it did poorly at the box office, and the reboot failed to take off so it died a sad box office death.

Shame.

But James Cameron comes along, picks up the mantle a few years later, and instead of giving us something comparable with T2, he gives us a big glop of woke, feminist mayonnaise.

Needlessly.

Because Sarah Connor is an iconic heroine. She’s the living embodiment of woman badassdom. She may have started slinging ice cream in a cafe, but once her unborn son’s life was at stake and the weight of humanity resting on her shoulders, she got buff, got armed, and proactively started seeking out ways to protect her son and humanity.

Awesome.

Then came along this T:6 movie which is supposed to be T:3 replacing the earlier horrible T:3 with the wimpy John Connor played by Nick Stahl. (Mr. “Oh look at me, I carry a paintball gun even though human cyborgs from the future tried to kill my mom and me.) So it’s a confusing mess because they just keep rebooting the franchise over and over. -sigh-

But Dark Fate. Yeah, according to it’s Director, Tim Miller:

“If you’re at all enlightened, she’ll play like gangbusters. If you’re a closet misogynist, she’ll scare the f*** out of you, because she’s tough and strong but very feminine,” Miller said. “We did not trade certain gender traits for others; she’s just very strong, and that frightens some dudes. You can see online the responses to some of the early sh** that’s out there, trolls on the internet. I don’t give a f***.” Source

Right, well I reckon all the knuckle dragging, woman despising, Internet Trolls stayed at home because it was ‘so scary’, so it’s a colossal flop and gonna lose the studio around $100 million.

Where to begin the plot spoilingness?

Oh I know…

Who told James Cameron it was a great idea to kill off a young John Connor in the first two minutes of the movie?

In today’s woke and inclusive Hollywood, we can’t have a MAN SAVING THE WORLD. We need a new heroine, a woman whose not giving birth to the savior… lame plot twist, she is the savior. GASP! And she gives a terrible speech about it.

Oh, and she’s Hispanic. So they sneak across American’s border into the EVIL BORDER PATROL’s CLUTCHES. Oh my!

And Legion? Legion… that’s the new Skynet. Because Skynet was defeated. Nevermind that Skynet has one of the most iconic villain names ever – let’s make something new up. A new threat, because humanity never learns. (Well, that’s believable, but still lame.)

And let’s send a female psuedo-super warrior back in time. No chauvinistic protectorate Kyle Reese to impregnate the weak and helpless Sarah Connor! But, even though she looks like she weighs a buck-ten, let’s augment her and make her super strong. Except she needs an insulin syringe every couple of plot points to make it seem like she has a weakness.

But we get Linda Hamilton! YAY! This should save the franchise!

Nope.

She’s a haggard alcoholic… because it’s been 28 years since she melted Arnold into a vat of molten metal. And she’s pissed, probably because her son was killed in the first two minutes for Hollywood’s wokeness that loves destroying beloved male heroes like Luke Skywalker and James Bond. (Oh haven’t you heard? I envy you. The new Bond movie is going to suck.)

But she spent the past two decades, off screen, killing Terminators that keep getting sent back in time by the defeated Skynet. (I know, weird, dumb, lame, etc.) So now, of course, she just drinks and blows things up and pretty much just sucks. But she’s so good at killing things, she’s really surprised when the new Legion sent Terminator is really hard to kill and can split into two Terminators. (The math still doesn’t add up though, three heroines and two male shaped Terminators… I thought women were the greater sex?)

Anyways. She just swears a bunch and has trust issues.

So, Arhhhnold!

We get him at least. Yeah, apparently a future killing machine sent back in time to kill John Connor becomes ‘Carl The Drape Salesman’ after his mission is finished. If you haven’t seen the movie and just read that, you’d think I made it up. Nope. It’s true. A Terminator becomes a Drape Salesman after completing its mission.

Never mind that it’s enemy is Humanity, and somewhere in it’s core functions should be something like:

Kill John Connor.
KILL EVERYONE LIVING. (Like go steal a nuke or something…)

At least in T:3 the Terminator had a hit list of Human’s that needed to be wiped out.

Anyways, I shouldn’t bash movies, or directors, because who knows – maybe Tim Miller and James Cameron will want to do a movie about my books. (That’d be okay. I’ll let you for enough monies.)

But I’m thinking maybe old school and get John Milius, the director of Red Dawn, Conan, Wind and the Lion, Uncommon Valor, etc.

At any rate, not every movie can be a winner, and this one ain’t a winner.

If only our Mastiff would stop killing Communists.

This was in our dog’s insurance policy under ‘things not covered’.

So, no rebellion, revolution, invading, or civil war for our beast.

(Yes… I can just now see our slobbery, radioactive, counter-guerrilla English Mastiff defeating the enemy with slothfulness!)

Look how sad he is that he can’t smother our countries enemies with furry love.

To bad, because my dogs favorite Bible Verse of WAR is Ephesians 6:12. “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Happy 10 years, babe.

10 years ago today, I met my wife.

It was a blind date set up by a mutual friend. And I didn’t want to go, but I did because I was told she’d was really hot.

And she was.

But, surprisingly, she was equally awesome and we hit it off for the next couple of hours.

That night, as the bar was closing and we were going our separate ways, I stealthily snapped a creepy picture of her so I could show my friends the hot chick I’d just met. (She’s on the right, the goofball on the left hugging someone off screen is the friend who introduced us. Hi Felicia!)

Anywho – The very next day I texted her and asked if I really need to wait three days to call her as society suggests, or if I could just go ahead and call her now. Ironically, I think we texted each other for hours that night instead of actually talking… Ah the late 2000’s were such an odd time.

Anyways. We went to get ice cream after that and I met her son… who was the coolest three year old on the planet at the time. He played with a Little Einsteen’s Rocketship toy and laughed hysterically at every car that drove past us in the rain.

And apparently, she liked me too because she was all googly-eyed for me. (It was all personality… because literally all I had at the moment to my name was my charisma, self-confidence, ego, and silly grin.)

So, we goofed off for a bit.

Four wheeled a bit… in the rain. (Yup, we’re Jeep peoples.)

Dressed up together a bit.

Then we got engaged at a Marine Corps balls. But not publicly like some folks do, instead I asked her in the hotel room before hand in private. To which she immediately responded with a very enthusiastic, “Are ya sure?”

-sigh-

Well, I was until that moment.

But of course a moment later she said yes.

Then, a few months later, we were married. (It was not a shotgun wedding, we just needed to get married quickly for insurance purposes… and gee… that sounds kind of bad too. It’s a long, amusing story though. But in a way, thanks Obama for forcing us to get married in Feb instead of the FALL LIKE WE WANTED!)

And now we’re a bit older.

We’ve four kids now, including our two dogs who are every bit as high maintenance as our human children. We have a nice house, successful careers, wrinkles, grays, and all that comes with the aging of time and experience. But I’m pretty sure we became best friends that night we met, because we haven’t stop being each other’s better halves ever since.

She’s sweet, patient, peaceful, pretty… I’m ugly, angry, pro-violence… Just kidding, partly. But we get along great. And of course, that’s because we base our love for each other on the greatest love story ever told.

Which is Christ’s love and sacrifice for us.

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.” Song of Solomon 8:6-7

“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3

So, happy ten years to us, gorgeous.

Let’s pop a bottle and drink some bubbly responsibly. 🙂

The Swan Lake Ballet, deliciousness, and pointy things stabbed into bad guys.

Went to the Ballet this weekend in Asheville, it was lots of fun.

We don’t get to dress up often, because we’re Baptists and can get by with jeans in church :), so we took advantage of the opportunity and the ladies got new dresses and we men… well… we wore whatever we could scrounge up. This is our third year we’ve tried going to the ballet, so it’s become something of a tradition now.

As for the ballet itself, it was long. But the second half was a good bit more exciting than the first, and the black swan dance was pretty badass. And near us sat a bunch of girls who were obviously ballerinas, so whenever they started clapping like crazy I knew some awesome and difficult move had just happened.

Also, right next door to us was a heavy metal concert featuring Slayer. So there were all sorts of folks milling around outside before and after the ballet with mohawks and openly smoking pot. Some guys from work went to it, but I didn’t see anyone I knew. And obviously, I’m to classy for such loud screaming and head banging to peek in and see if I recognized anyone.

We also ate at Tupelo Honeys before hand… Where I had the most amazing meal ever. I’m not one to EVER take a picture of my food before I eat it, so the fact that I did shows how impressed I was. I had the Shoo Mercy Sweet Potato Pancakes, and they rocked my mouth like Slayer rocked next door. (That’s a giant slab of fried chicken, on top of the bacon, on top of the pancakes…) Mmm. I want to go back.

Also, I watched an episode of Gotham where my pocket knife showed up stabbed into a dead bad guy. See below –

That’s an Applegate-Fairbairn folder, based off the Applegate-Fairbairn fighting knife made famous in the post WWII era book ‘Kill or Get Killed’. Kinda cool, I’ve carried a ‘Covert Folder’ version for 11 years now, and never run into anyone else with one.

I got to caress a Civil War cannon this weekend… But I didn’t get to fire it. :(

I stayed the Hilton in Marietta, GA this weekend for a family emergency.

Lovely place. Nice chandeliers.

There was a screw-up with the reservations, so I ended up sitting alone in the lobby for about an hour. Thankfully I shaved the night before so I didn’t look completely homeless with my duffel bag and laptop bag. But I still felt a bit out of place.

Oh, and to the kid who pulled the fire alarm at 10:30 pm when I was sound asleep… Thanks. My ears are still ringing. I had no idea how loud the in-room fire alarm sirens can be. But now I know!

Whew…

Anywho…

The hotel had an original cannon from the Civil War in the lobby, manufactured in 1851 and captured by Federal troops in 1864.

That was kind of neat, since I used one in the end of my book during the FGB (Final Great Battle). I took some pictures and got to run my hand across a piece of American history. They also had some pretty great civil war art work, which I didn’t get any pictures of. But you can see a little behind the cannon in the pictures below.

On a side note – did you know in North Carolina, black powder weapons are not considered ‘firearms’? You can buy/sell/ship them direct to your door. Never mind the fact that they pretty much wiped out multiple civilizations before metallic cartridges became common.

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