So Epstein ‘offs himself’ eh?

I don’t think we can even jokingly call this a conspiracy anymore. It seems more and more to be a murder of sorts.


Is it murder if you kill a pedophile?

Or is it simply a clean up on aisle four?

Anyways, I digress.

Here’s what we know.

  1. He seemed intent on living when he spoke to his lawyer last. (Surely this guy hoped to make a deal considering the people he knew?)
  2. Both guards were asleep for three hours, instead of checking on him every thirty minutes as required. (BOTH? Sleep over, Cell Block A)
  3. Prison records were falsified by same guards.
  4. His cellmate was moved, which allowed Epstein to be housed alone, which violated the jails procedures.
  5. Shrieks were heard from other inmates coming from his direction.
  6. He ‘strangled’ himself by kneeling with a noose made of bed sheets. (Not in a ‘kick out the chair from under me, no backing out now!’ method, but a ‘I’m going to keep self-choking myself until I pass out and die’ method.)
  7. He had multiple broken bones in his neck that are sometimes found with strangulation homicide victims.
  8. The cameras weren’t working. (Gee – really?)

Ain’t all that just convenient?

Now, maybe no one actively murdered him. Maybe they simply removed him from suicide watch and waited for nature to run its course. Or, maybe someone slipped in and actively offed the guy to make it look like suicide.

Either way – No big loss to society.

Except that with him dies lists of names of people who should also be hung. And it’s a shame we won’t get to see those folks kicking and twitching anytime soon.

Author: Erik 'Tracer' Testerman

Erik Testerman is a Marine Corps grunt, a competitive shooter, and an admirer of fine arms and armaments. He lives in the mountains of North Carolina with his lovely wife, two rambunctious children, and a slobbery English Mastiff. To learn more about Erik Testerman and read samples of his work, visit

3 thoughts on “So Epstein ‘offs himself’ eh?”

      1. Something new every day, eh?

        But yeah. When your family generates its own term for former associates kicking off with eerie regularity…kinda hard to claim the side of the angels.

        Liked by 1 person

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