If you get the opportunity, you should always kill your siblings off. (And how to go from Beast to Kitten in 5 seconds.)

My little brother moved from NC to Minnesota about a year ago. Since it snows year round, I don’t know if he has realized it’s been a year. He’s still waiting on spring…

But within that time span, I think he’s been in at least two fist fights and last week was pulled over three times during a single ten mile drive home.

Because, apparently, in Minnesota it’s illegal to drive while Diabetic unless your doctor has sent in a note to the DMV that you are healthy enough to operate a motor vehicle… which is strange. The doctor didn’t send it the note in, thus he got pulled over, given a ticket, then pulled over twice more for the same thing before making it home. (That’s what he gets for driving home at 2 am in a snow storm when no one but law enforcement is on the road)

After that he took to the buses while waiting on the DMV records being worked out, and some goon tried to snatch and run with his backpack near a bus stop. Except it was strapped across his chest instead of over a shoulder.

Which started fight number two.

I mentioned to our dad that he was on his way to becoming the most wanted Southerner in the Mid-West. And he replied that the wanted posters would say ‘Blue Ridge Kid’.

So, my little brother is going into the sequel with that moniker.

(I’m going to find a humiliating way to red shirt him.)

As for the ‘Beast to Kitten’ part…

I’ve discovered the rowing machine at the gym last week. Once I figured out how to get my uncoordinated 6’3″ frame strapped in and how to operate it without looking like a goon – I started using it to end every workout. (5 minutes = 60 calories. Good stuff.)

And I’ve enjoyed it… I hit 500 meters at 1:59 on the highest setting and pretty much thought I was going to die before I could get my feet unstrapped.

Anyways – On Monday I was four minutes into my rowing, and a lady sat on the machine beside me and started rowing at a slightly faster pace. And rowing isn’t real quiet, especially when you’re three feet apart. You hear the wheel turning inside as the row-handle-thingy is pulled.

The sound created the feeling similar to walking across a parking lot and someone driving by blaring music. You have to force your body to not start diddy-bopping along in rhythm.

That’s how I felt with rowing next to her. And I figured if I started to speed up, she’d think I was being a show off or something by rowing harder than her. (Because I have a penis, and you know how people without penises view people with them….)

Anyways – After a miserable minute, I jokingly told her I was having a hard time not syncing with her speed because she was going faster than me.

Her response?

“Oh, I’m not going fast. I just thought you were injured.”

So… that hurt.

No, Women aren’t equal to Men.

You are actually SUPERIOR!

Did you know in ancient Sparta, the only Spartans who were allowed markers on their graves were men who fell in battle or women who died in child birth?

They held giving birth on the same level as dying in battle. The equality of the creation of life and the taking of life.

If something about that isn’t romantically poetic – I don’t know poetry.

(I don’t know poetry)

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Take in mind that this isn’t across the board and applying to everyone of each sex. There’s a broad spectrum, and that’s great. Yay diversity! Except for some people…they shouldn’t be allowed to breed and water down future generations(We all know someone like that).

But when I paint – I prefer to throw the can at the wall instead of using a detailing brush.

With that warning out of the way…

There’s a joke that goes like this: What’s worse to go through – child birth or a kick to the groin?  Answer – Kick to the groin, because a woman will think about having another child but no man will consider another kick.

Women will go through 9 months of misery followed by hours of intense suffering, all to bring an innocent little life into this world. During this time, men will fetch them oddities for their cravings and try to make them comfortable enough to avoid their justifiable wrath at what we’ve done to them.

That’s pretty awesome. We should celebrate the heck out of what you go through. This is further proof of your superiority.

But modern feminism, has taken this push for ‘equality’ to far.

Everything now that doesn’t go in a woman’s favor is obviously based on sexism right?

“We don’t have a female president because of sexism!”

Oh shut up. Hillary is a morally bankrupt human being with bad politics. THAT’s why she wasn’t elected.  You bring her to the table again and we’ll just keep showing her the door. Bring a lady worthy of the seat and she’ll get the seat.

“Women are paid less! Sexism!”

No, no it’s not.  This has been debunked. Women choose to go into lesser paying fields. Men not only go into better paying fields, they also go into more dangerous fields that pay better as well. Women are more likely to leave the workplace for family purposes, like taking care of sick husbands with our debilitating colds, or children. Also female CEO’s make MORE than male CEOs. We’re talking 7 MILLION dollars more.  And single, childless women, make more than single, childless men. In some cities as much as 20% more.

So I suppose, since women now have the right to vote, kill their own babies, work in the fields with men, get equal or better pay, and now play in the fire of combat – Feminists are just creating or grasping for things to whine about.

Here’s what you they are doing.

Dragging women down into the mud with men.

Men are brutish, unevolved things. No matter how many pajama clad, hot cocoa sipping, wimps abound out there, this is the nuts and bolts of who and what we are. It’s imprinted in our DNA.

Here’s how I know.

Go up to any man.  Be it a lumber jack, Marine, barista, Momma’s Boy living in a basement, or even a Navy Sailor. (haha)

And ask them, “In the movie Braveheart who would you prefer to be?  William Wallace who gallantly dies an agonizing death screaming FREEDOM! and immortalized in the pages of history? Or Robert DeBruce, who shirks his responsibilities to his countrymen, but wins the crown with barely any misery and suffering and is no longer remembered?”

The vast majority of us will say, William Wallace.

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Because ingrained in man, even in childhood, is the desire to not only WIN but to prove themselves by overcoming a struggle. No kid goes out onto the playground playing Army Men or Cowboy and Indians and wants to LOSE.  They go out, pretend to get wounded, then kill the bad guy.

It’s only later in their life that MANHOOD is beaten down in them by our ‘civilized society’ who tells them to tell a teacher rather than bloody a bully’s nose. Or it’s better to run and hide than stand and fight.  And that nothing is worthy of sacrifice or risk unless someone else does it.

HA!

We men would rather stand bloodied and exhausted, but victorious on a mountain of corpses, boldly proclaiming that we have conquered our enemies, forever remembered for our deeds – than be handed a long life of safety, luxury, and ease with no one looking up in awe at you and your achievements.

Easiness is BORING.

There is proof of this in the glorious Marine Corps. We brag about the misery we endure. When we aren’t talking like Donald Trump and Billy Bush about women (People who complained about that wouldn’t last five minutes enlisted), we are swapping stories about how freaking miserable we’ve been. It’s not just about what we’ve accomplished, it’s about what we’ve endured. Then we talk about what other people have endured in awe.

Carlos Hathcock right?

Legendary Vietnam Marine Sniper. Death incarnate. He once spent three days crawling 2,000 yards in the wide open to shoot a naughty Charlie General. We don’t tell that story because it was a good shot or who he killed, no one cares the distance of the shot or the Generals name. We tell that story because it’s awesome what he put himself through to do it. He earned a bounty on his head. A bounty on his head! How awesome is it to be feared by your enemies they will pay to have you killed?!

That is a greatness achieved by few.

In the movie ‘300’ Leonidas points his spear at that coward traitor Ephialities and says, “May you live forever”. Because instead of dying in glorious combat with the Spartans, he will have to bear the disgrace of what he’s done for the rest of his life.

How much does that stink? No one wants to be remembered for being a loser. He’s not getting a marker on his grave! (Historically, Leonidas probably would have laughed at him and kicked him off the cliff when he offered his help. They were big into eugenics…)

But stop dragging women down to that level.

We are vastly different and there is nothing wrong with that.

Women are the civilizers.

They give men a purpose in a civilized society where we aren’t allowed to slam battle axes into each others faces. (Or during the peace times between battle axe slamming.)

They give us a reason to keep pushing.  To better ourselves and our families.

We need responsibilities. We need a purpose for our desires. We need an outlet.

We may not be able to kill each other, but we can be the hero’s in our families eyes. Our kids can look up in awe at us.

And that’s enough for most of us.

The guy crying in the airport when he returns from deployment and holding his first born child for the very first time? A month prior he threw a frag grenade into a room full of Haji’s and made hamburger. High fives all around afterwards!

Then he’s turned into a giant cry baby when he returns home to the ones he’s loved and missed for 12 months.

With the exception of those guys who married strippers before deployment, men think constantly about home and their families.  They try to compartmentalize it with what they do, but it’s always there in the background. It’s a powerful, powerful force that holds sway over a man.

There are studies out there that the biggest motivation for young men to avoid being dragged into a life of crime(or for leaving a life of crime) is having the responsibilities of a family.

I’m not aware of ANY study that says a woman needs a man. (Anything that’s not in Cosmopolitan magazine) But there are numerous ones that say the opposite in regards to men.

Women can give birth. Women can raise boys to be civilized, polite, capable men. Women tame the uncouth, savage man.

All we do is fight. Fight for ourselves and fight for our families.

Doesn’t matter if its on the killing fields of Iraq or in the back stabbing corporate world. We take our imprinted abilities and desires to become heroes and make it so.

Even if it’s just to our kids.

Feminism would have women believe that men consider them the weaker of sexes. That they are unable to do what men do, because men won’t let them. That they should be equal to men in every regard, social or biological.

No, no, no! That’s dumb! We are socially and biologically different creatures. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Yes, there are injustices out there, but there isn’t SEXISM hiding behind every potted fern in an HR Managers office.

There is nothing wrong with being different from each other and celebrating the fact that women are better at some things and men at others. We don’t need to be equal. We need to be different. Opposite and opposing forces.

For instance, I don’t believe women should be on the field of combat. I don’t believe they have the ingrained savagery needed. I think they should be kept out of the Infantry for that basis alone. Israel is a great example of how it can be done, but Israel has been on the brink of extinction for 70 years. They don’t have a choice, it’s every man, woman, and child needed for the defense of their country.

I also don’t believe that men have the depth of emotional or relationship strength that women do to have and care for children or keep societies tied together.

And if Daddy’s are heroes, Mommy’s are gods.

Men dying on battlefields don’t scream for their fathers. They scream for the one who bore them, cared for them, and imprinted on them their strength and love from the moment they entered this miserable world.

THAT’s the proof of power women wield over men.

Celebrate the differences. Embrace your strengths.

But my money for who is superior, is always on the ones giving birth and would willingly do it again.

Because no man wants to get kicked in the groin.