“This Book Doesn’t Suck.” – Reviews and Thoughts From Random People on the Internet.

These are a collection of reviews from when I posted the first four chapters and asked for unknown people on several web forums I visit, to read and critique my book with honest, and vicious feedback.

I figure the people who know me personally may mislead me with good intentions. But no one is as cruel and vicious and blatantly honest as random people on the other side of the internet who care nothing for your feelings.

And yup, out of the 117,xxx words, I had a shameful amount of ridiculous little word errors. 😦 But no one made any complaints about the general story line, so that’s nice.

I’m down. I’m a pretty voracious reader and the fact that there is a hand cranked gatling gun, an ape, and a triceratops piques my interest.

YJJPWrangler 5/14/2019

***

Just got done reading through the first four “chapters”. Most of the edits I made were grammatical/punctuation in nature but I did have some issues with some sentences. A few thoughts:

-totally unique subject matter. I’ve read quite a lot and this is by far the most “diverse” setting I’ve found
– definitely gives me a feeling of the “land before time” theme(not a bad thing)
-is this supposed to be young teen or adult fiction? reason i ask is there are certain points in the 4 chapters that could greatly use some expletives. great for adults, maybe not so much for kids
-The first part of the first chapter was odd to read. I felt like I needed to know more about Jed before continuing. but I’m sure you fill in his backstory later on. (I do. :P)

I’ve got the comments saved on a word file if you would like them. I am looking forward to reading the rest of it.

-YJJPWangler 5/15/2019

***

“Awesome book. While reading , I felt like I was right there in the middle of the action with everyone. I quite literally could not put the book down, I could not wait to find out what happened in the next chapter.

Looking forward to the rest of the series.”

-A_Kelly. 5/29/2019

***

I think the book is pretty awesome. It’s a little out of my genre but I can’t wait for the publisher. I’m not sure how many pm’s you’ve received but add my name to the list. I’m dropping a 10 spot for the privilege too. I’ve just got to figure out the logistics to get it to you. Great book!

-thebrotherinlaw. 5/26/2019

***

Damn man, I LOVE it!!! I am through the first three parts and will start the fourth ASAP!!!

Also, if that pic isnt the cover of this book, I will be thoroughly disgusted!!!!

-JSJJ388. 5/14/2019

***

Hey man, just finished part four of the book. I gotta say, you’ve got me hooked! Let me know what you need to send me a copy, and when its published I’ll buy a copy.

-JSJJ388/ 5/15/2019

***

That was definitely riveting! I read down to where his horse came back the next morning. I should not have even started because now I am running late to get my office work done before heading out to work! I do have some criticisms so will hopefully come back to it and share. I don’t read fiction at all but your writing style kept me glued.

-R Q 5/15/2019

***

When this goes to print, I’ll gladly buy a signed copy for my collection. Nitpicky grammar nazis aside, I think its very well done for the genre you chose to write about. Keep it up, you have the knack for fictional story composition.

-308/223 Shooter. 5/17/2019

***

I can’t believe you killed that horse in the beginning!

-Mom. 5/28/2019

***

This book doesn’t suck.

–Jeepinmatt. 5/28/2019.

***

Just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading the parts you had posted. Being that I grew up on westerns I could easily visualize the scenery in my minds eye. I didn’t feel that it was lacking in description whatsoever. I did notice some errors, but I am not one to judge.  It seems you have several folks more adapt to editing than I could ever be. I look forward to reading the rest, please keep us updated as to its release.

-Rox&Mud 6/4/2019

***

So far, so good. All minor stuff to fix, almost everything noticed is sentence structure… nothing big and plot shaking. Thank goodness. Seems to be the sort of stuff a typical editor would catch.

Of course there’s some complaints in the beginning that are addressed later on in the book…. Such as the Main Character using the term ‘mother’. Everyone wants him to say ‘ma’ or ‘momma’… but it’s revealed later that he comes from an aristocratic southern family. He was raised with proper genteel manners. That’s an important part of his back story and one of the main story arcs that continues through the series.

I also changed a team of horses to mules, for no reason other than to spice the story up with some variety, and I missed a reference to them being horses.

Silly me.

Anyways, go read it – give me feedback. Then pray I find someone who will publish this so other’s can read it too.

RAWR! Pew! Pew! Pew!

California and the irrational fear of cosmetically dangerous weapons!

Ironically, this felony arrest for having an evil pistol grip and an even ‘eviler’ flash hider took place on the eve of Memorial Day. The very holiday where we take time to celebrate and reflect on the sacrifices of over 1.5 million Americans who died defending the rights and freedoms that you can be arrested for enjoying in California.

StocktonPD2ndamendment

Bravo coppers…

Your citizens will now sleep safe, knowing that while you’re confiscating scary weapons with non-lethal features, their children only have to worry about wading through ankle deep mounds of human feces, lines of homeless tent cities, and discarded needles to get to their plastic straw free school zones in your fine, upstanding state.

By the way, I got curious as to what CA’s Law Enforcement Code of Ethics is. It seems pretty standard, but obviously meaningless for those who are sworn to uphold it. .

Code of Ethics

AS A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER, my fundamental duty is to serve mankind; to safeguard lives and property; to protect the innocent against deception, the weak against oppression or intimidation, and the peaceful against violence or disorder; and to respect the Constitutional rights of all men to liberty, equality and justice.

Well….

You’re doing a terrible job at fulfilling your oath, but a terrific job at supporting the tyranny of your elected officials.

Congratulations, you fearsome law dogs.

***

On the subject of my book. I’ve been contacted by a small publisher. It was rather ego-flattering, except after digging in a bit more into the books they’d published I was pretty let down.

The reviews for their books appeared good, at first. Then I noticed they were 5 star reviews from the exact same four people, and the other reviews were either sketchy, or brutal in bashing the story and editing.

So, on we go down the long path to publishing.

My current plans are to give traditional publishing a solid year in hopes of getting on somewhere good. (Looking at YOU Baen!) In the meantime, I’m going to keep writing the sequel, and outlining the next few books… as well as passing my current novel around to anyone interested. The more feedback the merrier, and I didn’t write this just to keep it all to myself.

(If you’re interested, here’s the link to the first four ‘chunks’: RAWR! Pew! Pew! Pew!)

Anyways.

Freedom ain’t free. And California will probably never be.

It’s Memorial Day, drink a beer, eat a burger… enjoy your freedoms!

Personally, I get tired of hearing people poo-pah about how Memorial Day isn’t about having a three day weekend or a BBQ, and about how it’s supposed to be in solemn remembrance of those that died for our freedoms.

As a Marine Grunt who spent six years wanted nothing more than to go kill people for my country, I can tell you exactly what -I- would want on Memorial Day if I got waxed overseas.

I’d want my wife in a skimpy bikini, sipping a drink by a pool, with our kids laughing and splashing each other while hot dogs and burgers sizzle on the grill.

Because that’s America in a nutshell. It’s hot women, cold pool water, kids having fun, and processed meat pressed into sausage shapes being stuffed down the gullet with a beer.

That’s happiness!

That’s the freedoms I’d fight, die, and certainly kill thousands of totalitarian government employees for.

And anyone who would deny that, and force my family to go be miserable standing around my grave… Well, you suck.  Stop guilt tripping people into having a bad time. Memorial Day doesn’t have to be a somber, miserable affair of sadness.

Because, personally, I ain’t getting waxed defending the rights of up-tight Americans to bash others for enjoying the freedoms our dead wish they could enjoy. If you could snap your fingers and bring back all the dead veterans, I bet you money they’ve no interest in standing around mourning for each other. They’d be pounding beers, smoking cigars, and oogling hot American womens. (Cause we’re all a bunch of knuckle draggers.)

I’m not knocking those who go to the places like Arlington to see the hundreds of thousands of waving flags and rows of headstones laid out in perfect military precision. That’s awesome. I want to do it one day. The only thing cooler than the picture I described earlier would be to visit Arlington Cemetery on Memorial Day.

But people can remember and honor the sacrifices of our glorious dead by celebrating the life and freedoms that they died protecting.

Now put a bikini on and have a good time.

Except you dudes. No one wants to see that.

If I’d written GOT Season 8..

It wouldn’t have been so terrible…

Because this is pretty much how it went:

Game-Of-Thrones-season-8-episode-5-memes

What would I have done differently?

GLAD YOU ASKED!

First, attack Kings Landing, defeat Cersei as Dany’s goes Mad Queen.

Everyone is forced to stay with her because they need the Dragons while the Night King marches south.

Rush north to reinforce the Stark who are preparing for the final stand of mankind.

Final episode is two hours of Battle of Winterfell (where they use actual medieval tactics and still face destruction). Grey Worm dies lighting the trenches filled with wild fire. Jorah dies protecting Dany’s after Drogon is overwhelmed with the dead.

Dany’s kills the Night King, as she was the real target, not Bran. (Song of Fire and Ice. Not Song of Ice and Bran.) But Bran actually wargs into something and does something. That’d be a nice change.

Drogon flies back to the battlefield, his wings are tattered, he looks weak and near to death. Sadly, he scoops up Dany’s remains and flies away. But first he blows fire at Jon Snow, revealing him to be unburned, and melting the throne behind him.

Then Jon Snow reluctantly becomes King (Because he’s reluctant about EVERYTHING.)
Bronn kills Bran because Bran is worthless. Bronn says something catchy along the lines of ‘didn’t see this coming, didja?’ Then he heads happily to the brothels with Tyrion and large flasks of wine.

Brienne is pregnant with Jamie’s baby… who will be RAISED BY TORMUND with GIANTS MILK! Bwhahahahaha. This makes me so very happy.

Ghost runs off, finds Nymeria and makes more Dire Wolf puppies.

Drogon lands in Valyria, where he reverently lays Dany’s body at the top of the remains of the ancestral Targaryean homeland , then goes below and several dragon eggs are revealed beginning to hatch.

Jon Snow sits on the throne. Looks sullen and miserable.
This needs some work, but in three minutes I came up with a vastly better season than what I just watched last night.

Deep breath… and…. -submit for publishing-

I think I’ve gotten enough feedback to take the leap for rejection or publication.

There are still a lot of copies floating around out there, and I just sent another one out this morning. I’ll keep updating my manuscript as I get feedback, but at some point you’ve got to poop or get off the pot.

I finished the novel almost six weeks ago, and the feedback I’ve gotten since has been overwhelmingly positive. I’m confident enough that I’ve created something great and entertaining, and now I want to get it into print. Besides, I’m currently deep into writing the sequel, and I’ve at least three more books planned for the series. (Including a couple spin-off characters/series.)

But this is going to be a long wait.

Submitting an unrequested/unagented manuscript means I go into the publishers Slush Pile. Which means they will give it a glance when they get a chance. (Expect 9-12 months!)

THEN, if it passes their muster, it goes into editing/rewriting. After that, it goes into rotation for printing. Which could be another year before seeing the light of a bookstore/amazon shelf.

So all that kind of stinks. But it is what it is. I’ve a lot of writing planned in the meantime. Including a story about Marines in WWII stranded on a pacific island with some hostile Japanese POW’s and Sea Monsters. (I just want to write about using a flame thrower on a sea monster… and since 95% of the ocean is unexplored, I can make a LOT of stuff up!)

For those of you who’ve read this book, you’re more than welcome to read the sequel once it’s completed. 🙂

Honestly, I’m extremely confident this book will see print. It’s good. Real good. I’ve enough strangers telling me that now to not have any doubts. And seriously, who doesn’t love cowboys, apes, and dinosaurs?

But I’m also a bit egotistical. So we’ll see how it all pans out.

As for my first choice to submit to?

Baen.

They’ve a great reputation for helping new authors build a reader base. And they don’t particularly care what your personal religious/political opinions are. And since I’m the sort who won’t stop saying what I believe, I think I’d do well with them.

Besides, they’re located in Wake Forest, NC. Just a few hours down the road. 🙂

So…

Baensubmit

Here we go….